Gate 19 - Approach - The Gate of Wanting - Human Design

Gate 19 - Approach - The Gate of Wanting

That all things are interrelated is apparent and manifested through the action of approach.

This gate is pressure from the root with great sensitivity to the needs of your community, “your people '' (the tribal energy as Ra would call it. I am deferring from using the word tribe.) 

Reaching to the principles of Gate 49 to fulfill these needs. You need access to primary resources like food and shelter, and these two things are what you look for in another partner to help you secure. 

In your perfect world, everyone has all their basic needs met. Be it food, shelter, worship - whatever it looks like to you. Because you can feel what everyone in the room needs, there can be a theme of self-sacrificing, taking care of everyone else's needs, and neglecting your own. 

You can get needy when you are sacrificing too much. When you have given so much for so long and forgot about yourself; an explosion of "What about me?! What about my needs?! Who is gonna meet my needs? Doesn't anyone care about me?!" can occur. 

Personal sacrifice is not sexy. 

Read that again. 

This is communal energy that feels pressure to want to belong and find the right people. A pressure to be needed, to be loved. And oh, did I love feeling needed… It's a drug I'm slowly weaning off.

And then I had my Saturn return as a 6/2 profile, finding myself done with playing with this 3rd line for the first 30 years of my life (after pulling the 3rd line far into my 30s). And I cut out everyone. I cut out so much of what I used to do, love, be, and celebrate. 

Thank goddess I found Human Design because there were days I was sure I had completely lost my mind; what the fuck was I doing? Oh, I had transitioned to the roof. There was a sense of being alone, but not lonely. Yet, there is still a want to belong. A longing to find "my people." Still working on that from the roof. 

I have gate 19 in my unconscious Venus. The planet of love, values, and relating. How I unconsciously set my morals and bond with the other - on top of a natural bonding theme in this gate. Add in my undefined heart plus the fact that I am a manifestor, and you have the perfect recipe for a people-pleasing disaster. 

Well, darlings, I had to look at the hard truth: Are you taking care of your needs? Do you love yourself the way you want others to love you? That needs to be in place. We can not place that responsibility on the other. 

The saying is: LOVE YOURSELF AS YOUR NEIGHBOR - not love them more. 

For me, it's been a painful process, honestly acknowledging how much I have outsourced the responsibility of taking care of my needs to my husband. As if that was his job to ensure all my needs were met. I still fall victim to the self-sacrifice game, and every time I have a breakdown of "BUT... BUT WHAT ABOUT ME?" I've got to a place of mostly laughing about it. Shaking my head and asking myself: what do you need? How can I serve you - me - at this moment? And honor that need with action. 

Being this brutally honest can be painful, of course. But pain and joy can exist simultaneously when you don't think of time as linear. You can hold both. It's part of dancing, this thing called life. 

Ending with a side note on being sensitive, I want to express that for me, it is to the cell level of my body. If a strand of hair brushes my skin, it feels like it weighs a pound. When I get my blood drawn, there is an internal feeling of the extraction. 

Add in this level of bodily sensitivity with an irrational fear of anything that crawls, and watch me be a fucking disaster on any summer day. 

But then again, this is my experience, and yours might be different. 

Till next time - stay curious.