Fuck, I’m a Manifestor. Now what? Repelling aura.
It was November 2019, and I watched a free webinar on running an online business. A panel of people had gone through the program and been successful (looking back, there is no doubt the person running the webinar is a generator of sorts).
There was one woman to who I was drawn to. She didn't say much, and what she said wasn't necessarily something I felt I needed to hear, but I decided to find her online and follow her. A month later, she writes about being a Manifestor and running a business like a Manifestor.
My open head & undefined g-center hooked up, and we went down the rabbit hole of looking for that one direction, that one thing that could "fix" me.
I run my chart; lo and behold - I am a manifestor.
I started reading about the repelling aura, and I began to cry. This makes so much sense!! I have always felt on the outside of any group, sensed that people were watching and paying attention. How I had always felt I needed to own responsibility more often than my peers. And here I was reading that they had no idea how to read, feel or understand me, so they tried to control or exclude me - and I had no idea the trail of my aura's impact. (and the chaos my emotional wave could create, but that's for another blog)
A quick look at the mechanics. The manifestor aura is dense and repelling, meaning it is protecting us from the outer world, from the people who are not here to be impacted by us, who are not correct for us.
On the flip side, I find those who are attracted to my aura, who don't feel the need to control me, are like puppy dogs. And that can be a bit confusing as well…
A few stories from my experiment to explain:
At the beginning of my human design journey, I was experimenting with understanding the mechanics of my aura. I went to a party where I only knew one person, the host.
I walk in the door, fashionably late as always (the root timing, y'all), give the host a hug, and walk into the cramped apartment with 12 other people. I put my purse down and walk myself and my wine into the kitchen to find a glass, while smiling at people, observing how they react. I get in the kitchen, and the conversation stops. Literally, pin drop would be heard, stops. I feel the uncomfortable silence; I sense it's me. I remember this is my cue to show them I'm safe, kind, and actually quite warm. I need to initiate, and it's fucking scary.
They can't read my aura.
With a big smile, I say, "Hey, I'm Jessica," and start shaking hands, joking that I probably won't remember their names and to forgive me. Over the years, I've learned to play nice and lighten the mood - like, "I'm not dangerous, I'm a nice cat."
I could hear the silence lift and the room go back to normal. I close my eyes, trying to imprint the memory to process later, while I fill up my wine glass.
As I walked into the living room and started looking for my purse in the mess of everyone's jackets, I could see out of the side of my eye a girl who was standing there, frozen, just looking at me. I smile and say, "Oh, hi! I'm just looking for my phone".
I see her shoulders fall down from her earlobes, and a sigh lets out "oh, okay. I can help you…" she says with hesitance in her voice "found it!" I say and smile while I turn around and leave for the seating area.
She was suspicious of me and needed information.
I was about to sit on the floor, a bit out of the circle like I always do. Then a girl sitting on the sofa said, "Hey! Oh no, don't sit there, come here, there's space here!" while patting the middle of the fucking sofa.
I'm thinking: HELL NO - I would be the centerpiece for this entire party for the rest of the night; I like to not be on display, thank you very much. Too much pressure to interact, to put on masks, to be something I am not.
She continued to insist until I decided this was too much attention. I'll just deal with the other awkward situation of sitting there rather than her pushing more. All while having a quote from the Manifestors Manifesto "Don't try to pull away, because then it gets worse. Then you really become dangerous. Because then they don't know what to expect at all." Ra speaking on how the other types want to keep tabs on the manifestor.
So I sat on what I felt like was a freaking crowned seat.
But then, you know, people had to sit next to me. And really close. And I hate that shit. Until I know you, that is. And that girl who commanded me into the sofa, we barely spoke for the rest of the night.
She was keeping tabs.
I end up sitting next to one who is obviously repelled by my aura and one who was drawn to it. The one to my left kept inching closer, and the girl on the right kept creeping further away. To the left, she constantly asked me about myself when she clearly had people she knew sitting on the other side of her. All the time I was there, they tried to get her attention. But her eyes were on me, but not in a suspicious kind of way. In an "I like you" kind of way.
Puppy dog effect.
Forgot to tell you that I was NOT in the mood to go - and I am an emotional manifestor.
I observed my body not getting ready, postponing, laying on the sofa, and the anger of trying to figure out what to wear. My mind said it was rude to not show up or cancel at such a late time, and then it tricked me into going to the party by saying, "you can make it a human design experiment."
Facepalm - I'm a sucker for a gimmick.
And after I left, the pictures and snaps started rolling in.
The frequency of my wave emoting "not in the mood," the moment I left, the mood lifted, and the impact of my wave disappeared.
The impact our aura has is impossible for us to ever grasp. That's why responsibility and learning to communicate are two of the most essential parts of a manifestors life. (and we will talk more about that in later blogs)
Another experiment I did quickly before I wrap up here.
I was at a leadership development course, and I entered the classroom. There were four tables with 5 chairs, and one person was sitting there. I had decided that I wanted to come early to sit alone and see what happened, so I walked to an empty table and sat down.
On this day, I was neutral, somewhat excited to learn, but overall neutral.
I sat down, got my stuff all set up, and then people started to come in.
First, the table with the other person filled up, then two at one and two at the other. I thought to myself, the next person that comes in will feel the social responsibility of sitting at my table, no doubt.
But then they didn't.
In the end, there were 6 people at one table, five at the next and three at the third. And me. Alone at my table. The following person that came in, I think she might have been a manifestor. A splenic one at that, and no doubt a defined ego. Maybe I'm just saying that because she sat at my table with no "puppy dog effect." And I felt the draw I have now found is my envy of people with defined egos.
In the end, both of us joined the table with three others.
Such an interesting experience this life, huh?
And it's been HARD for me to understand and accept this repelling aura, but now I love it. Personally, I have a sensitivity to the needs of others (19-49). And I just want to take care of my people, those I deem "in my circle," and that can be anyone from the homeless dude on the train to someone I see online. But it's hard for me to get close to those I want to care for. And even worse when I am rejected for that initiation.
And it can be hard to understand that this repelling aura - it really is a lifesaver for many reasons.
I do not have the social stamina that generators have.
I have a huge impact, and not everyone is ready for that.
Those drawn to me will be impacted, and it can be life-changing. That is not for everyone.
I am here to carve my path; my aura wants to go its own way. To initiate new ways of being, thinking, living - and thank whatever god you worship that this repelling aura is here to PROTECT ME!
So why share these stories?
I think most manifestors have felt like outsiders at some point in their lives.
And I want you to know:
You are not alone
You are loved
You are wanted
You are protected by your aura
